Q: Oh, you are from Sarawak! *eyes wide with excitement* So far away! How you people come here ah?
A: Usually we’ll swim or ride on the back of a crocodile to get here. But since we discovered balloons, we use balloons to get here. My punctured balloon just got stuck at the tree somewhere in [insert any place in West Malaysia] just now so I have to walk all the way here.
Q: Oh, like that! So back home, you people live in trees ar?
A: Well, of course! Specifically, there are elevators in there which we use to get to the top of the tree where we live. Our tree house are fully air-conditioned, equiped with flat screen TVs, DVD players and home theatre surround system, not forgetting ASTRO service AND satellite TV (which is FOC) so that we can watch CSI! Oh, and we have orang utans as butlers as well. They are better trained than some politicians in WM well-trained, you know!
Q: You guys have electricity or not?
A: Of course we do! But since the transmission is too high due to the geographic barriers, we use independent solar panels and mini turbine, scattered all around the state. There are exactly 30, 000 of them! To save cost, sometimes we use West Malaysians to run on wheels ala hamster to convert kinetic energy to electricity.
Q: Kuching got airport or you use boat go Johor?
A: Told you liao we either swim or ride the crocodile! But hor since Air Asia so cheap and Kuching airport can tumpang a 747, we take aeroplane more than you people take bus. Summore the airport is not over-run by rats like, say, KLIA (?)
Q: How long if you take bus from Singapore to Kuching?
A: Use Airbus only 1.5 hours.
Q: Over there got what car?
A: No lor, we ride wild boar. If we are lucky, we get to ride the elephant. So when the plane arrive at the airport, we ride our wild boar all the way to our tree house.
Q: Got road or not?
A: Nope. Only jungle trails and a few roads around town. Because the federal government is too busy spending money on you guys.
Q: You Bidayuh from Sulawesi there huh?
A: Yalah! Aboden? Drop from sky is it? Summore we are head hunters. Human brains are the best food…
Q: Sarawak inside Sabah, right?
A: No, we are one state, you idiot! Sabah is a town in Sarawak!
Q: Eh? Sabah Sarawak not the same meh?
A: About the same. We have hotter, fairer and sexier-looking people compared to West Malaysians. Heard of Amber Chia?
Q: Kuching how big ar?
A: Very big. We are the biggest state in the country mah. At least bigger than your brain.
Q: Kuching got a lot of cats hoh?
A: Got, more than human, you know. We got Siamese cat, Persian cat, tabby cat, alley cat, pussy cat,…We eat the cats and preserve their bodies to put inside Cat Museum for you people to see.
Q: Sarawak got Malay?
A: You say leh?
Q: Sarawak people can speak English?
A: Better than you guys! We were conquered by the Brooke family once upon a time, remember? And my lecturer from WM can only say “Good morning”, “See you next class” and “Thank you” 0.o!!!
Q: You people from Sarawak use Ringgit?
A: No lah! Who told you that? We use pound!
